One of the spiritual and inspirational speakers that I’ve been listening to is Bill Turner. If you’re curious you can find his free podcasts here: in iTunes
I’ve listened to all of his podcasts several times and find that much of what he says is very fascinating. Last night I searched for new spiritual and inspirational material in iTunes and remembered that Bill Turner had mentioned a Don Miguel Ruiz a couple of times. So that was the name I searched for but found someone named Gary van Warmerdam instead, his free podcasts can also be found: in iTunes
Don Miguel Ruiz is completely unknown to me (as Bill Turner was too) and I have not yet googled him, but will do so eventually and to also check out his books. After listening to Gary van Warmerdam for a while last night I came to understand that Don Miguel is Gary’s mentor. And what Gary has to say is [also] very fascinating. Listening to podcasts such as these in the evenings, basically every evning over the last three weeks, has definitely allured me onto a spiritual journey that has expanded my mind, conception and understanding.
Contemplating this journey and also talking about it with a few friends of mine has quickly become a part of me and my daily life. I can almost feel or see how this lump of an alcoholic that I am, slowly is wriggling and morphing into something new. It is with excitement, curiosity and a sense of gratification that I yield to this development.
What is being said in those podcasts is many times new to me and some of the ideas that I hear I find to be mind-blowing. And I desire to hear more… more… MORE! This is sort of life turning and my understanding for myself, my many issues and alcoholism is becoming greater than ever. I have come to believe that if I continue on this path, on this spiritual journey, there will simply be no reason for me to return to the wine bottle ever again.
I even dare to say that I think I have found a sense of purpose, something that I haven’t sensed for a very long time. Life has been utterly meaningless, which is a sad and dark place to dwell in. When in this place I wholeheartedly welcomed alcohol into my life. Another issue that became highlighted last night when listening to Gary was that feeling to never be good enough. I realised that I never ever have felt that I have been good enough. Always to impress, to satisfy others, chase for other’s approval and confirmations, achieve, haunted by constant performance and always trying so hard to be good enough.
When I visited Karin the therapist this morning we firstly began with the mindfulness exercise, which we for a short moment do at the beginning of every session. Afterwards we talked about my homework that I had done for today. This somehow had us touch the subject that I had marvelled over since last night and we began converse in a different way. It was as if we no longer were therapist and client, but two spiritual women bouncing ideas and thoughts of how us humans have become programmed to think and react, about how so many of us find ourselves living in boxes and about becoming aware and to find the means to be able to step out of the box. I mentioned to her where I had learned this new way of thinking and she eagerly noted the names that I have mentioned above.
I actually feel as if I have stumpled upon a treasure chest and am eagerly digging through its content. The more jems and jewels that I find, the more is materialised! It is like revelation upon revelation and the more I learn the more I hunger for learning even more. And the funny thing, much of what I learn I have already had inside of me. It has been there all my life, I just never was able to put words on it. I have so many times felt abnormal and alienated but right now I feel as if I have found the path that will bring me home. And I certainly do not feel abnormal any longer, a box I have discovered and am now stepping out of.
Geesh… I could write this rambling post forever and ever, but will jump over to a completely different subject instead. Conny, my cinema friend, tipped me today about a new music album that he had been listening to. The Swedish singer is named Lykke Li and I found her to be so darn good that I simply must tip you as well. Here’s one of my favourite songs from her latest album:
More of Lykke’s music videos can be found here: in YouTube
And her latest album is available here: in Spotify
And now, before it gets far too late, I shall head out on a blog walk!