30 days of gratitude: Day 30

Today I am grateful for…

…having completed this task, to list five things per day, that I am grateful for – for 30 days throughout November. It has been a pure pleasure and it has helped me a lot in my everyday life. Whenever I have been negative, irritated or grumpy I have been able to turn around to take a look at my situation from a different point of view. It really is amazing how easily it is to turn negative, to be disappointed (due to one’s own expectations) or being weighed down by problems exaggerated. That being grateful or positive is something that I need to be aware of and to practice on an every day basis.

…a new routine. I shall continue being consciously grateful for all the good that exist in my life and in my world. In my new blog I will begin a routine to list goodies that I am grateful for, once a week. For instance a Gratitude Sunday, or similar.

…an unexpected message. This morning I found a private message in Facebook from an acquaintance. She wrote that she appreciated the joy and positiveness that I spread in Facebook and by her own message she hoped to return some of that joy. Her kind words truly warmed my heart and made me so very happy.

…in exactly two weeks I will be holding a one-year-AA-chip in my hands. One year of sobriety… how about that :-)

…for a light heart, a heart filled with love. A quiet mind, a mind filled with healthsome thoughts. Of course, there is quite some crap going on up there, but I am not contolled by a destructive mind any longer. I am so happy to be learning to be aware of the thoughts that clutter my head, to be kind towards myself and to accept whatever thoughts it might be. Not to try and to repress those automatic unwanted thoughts, but to choose to think other conscious thoughts and to act on those instead.

A year ago, I was phobically afraid of myself, my thoughts and feelings. My whole life I have avoided to take a good look at myself, to hear what I had to say or to feel what was rummaging through my body and soul. I believed that if I stopped, listened and felt – I would loose my mind. Though I understood that this was a deep fear that I needed to face if I was going to be able to remain sober.

Today I am not afraid of myself, I don’t believe that I will fall apart nor drown in some nightmarish darkness or emptiness. I am becoming my own friend and I do take good care of myself, just like I do with any of my friends. I have discovered that I have it in me to live a life, a meaningful life even – and to wholeheartedly enjoy this living.

30 Days of Gratitude… Are You In?